EDNA HEALY · MFT              

Compassion  Kindness Clarity           

Couples Therapy: Triggered, Unhappy or Both

How Do You Know If You Are Triggered Or Just Plain Unhappy In Relationship?


First of all, both can be true.  You may be dissatisfied with some dynamic in your relationship and want to explore it with your partner.  The process of looking at where you may be able to be flexible in meeting your partner without giving up yourself is a process that is very important.  I assist you in standing in your truth.  I guide you in the exploration of what you both find valuable in your relationship and what you would like to be different.  If your partner is not able to meet your needs/wants I assist you in working together to see if there is another way/place to get your needs met that will satisfy you.  Only you can determine what is essential for you in relationship and what you may not want to compromise on.

There may be times when you are having strong feelings in relationship and it is because of some dynamic between you and your partner that doesn’t work for you.  At other times you may, upon reflection, recognize something deeper has been touched inside you and your response to the situation feels like an overreaction.  This is a time when looking at what is getting triggered can help.  We all have vulnerabilities rooted somewhere in our past.  Sometimes we have a history of unmet needs or not feeling seen or heard in relationship and our partner's response brings back those old feelings.  It can be helpful to sort through what reactions are linked to old experiences and what responses are related to our current experiences.  From my perspective needs and wants are valid (no matter where they originated from) because they are yours.   One of my goals is to support you in being able to express your feelings and needs and take in your partner's feelings and needs from a place of empathy, compassion and understanding.   At times the emotional charge we bring with us from our past and how this comes out in our current relationship may sabotage what we ultimately want in relationship.

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